£3,000 brick stolen from London gallery, search for replacement continues

A red brick half-inched from a London art gallery "could be anywhere" according to building experts, or at least some seedy fat bloke in a yellow hard hat that insists on shouting profanities at dog walkers at the end of the high street. A more pressing issue for the Area10 Space Project is the imminent collapse of the building, which has been structurally compromised by the removal of said brick.

It was a pretty important brick. You'd have thought they could take one from the top, but no, that would have been way too easy. We now have to close the gallery for a full three hours while we hunt out a suitable alternative. -- Dimitri Launder of the Area10 Space Project

Police have issued a statement urging any member of the public that finds the brick return it to the gallery immediately or else the whole building will cave in on itself within a week.

It's an ordinary house brick with a chip on the far left edge and three holes in the middle. It is recognisable by a crack running three centimetres from the centre and a reddish hue. It is also signed by artist Gavin Turk. -- Launder

The gallery would have replaced the brick before now but are struggling to find a brick of equal value to the one stolen: the best they have found so far is one worth £113 at Harrod's.

There's a great big 3,000 quid hole in the wall, and it's making us all very cold ... We would get Gavin to sign us another brick but he seems to be otherwise engaged at the moment, probably painting polka dot patterns on traffic cones, or whatever it is artists do for fun. -- Spokesman for Area10

Turk is in fact down at a building site looking for the subject of his next artwork. The gallery, however, face a race against time before the whole building is reduced to rubble, and with Gavin Turk-signed bricks not exactly a dime a dozen, it isn't looking good.

A team of dedicated professionals (local schoolkids) are currently in the process of creating a genetically modified brick from plasticine and a box of Lego. The search continues.