Fergie fumes again as officials fail to adhere to his stopwatch

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was left absolutely fuming last night, not for his side's 1-0 loss to Aston Villa, but an apparent discrepancy in timekeeping that meant, in his view, insufficient stoppage time was added to the end of the second half.

It's the latest in a long line of excuses spouted by the seething Scot in another attempt to deflect blame away from his Manchester United side and towards the officials, a common tactic used by football managers –and often fans– to make the club seem better than they actually are. On this basis, you'd have thought Manchester United were the champions or something.

Fergie's grievance specifically relates to referee Martin Atkinson's decision to add just three minutes of injury time when ten or twelve would have been more appropriate, at least according to Ferguson's watch. However it seems the stopwatch in question is now old, rusted and prone to dropping a second every minute due to its clockwork mechanics. When this fact was pointed out to Ferguson, he said he 'didn't like all this new fangled digital stuff that's all bleeps and LCD screens and whatnot'.

Prior to this season, Ferguson's watch had not been mentioned for absolutely ages and presumably became hungry for the limelight, stirring up some controversy by making itself deliberately inconsistent, a bit like Fergie's side on the pitch yesterday.

But the Fergster's terrible timepiece hit headlines earlier this year when it mysteriously went missing following September's Manchester derby that saw United grab a last-gasp winner at Old Trafford. It returned over a month later, covered in sea water and horribly rusted but still just about functional. Analysis suggests it spent over three weeks in the Manchester Ship Canal before being submerged in vinegar as a piece of modern art at a local gallery, where it was found by a dog named Pickles.

On the evidence of yesterday, Premier League sides aren't exactly going to be queueing up to buy Ferguson a new watch, mainly because he'd probably throw it back at them or just put it in the back of a cupboard until the battery erodes.

The FA have announced they will take absolutely no action as a result of Ferguson's outburst, and have sent him a packet of Diazepam.