Differences between the United Kingdom and the United States #3,473: Stereotypery

Or: How to confuse anyone not from Britain.

I now present to you a dialogue quoted from CNBC (Crazy News for Buck-naked Cavemen) on the UK's Freeview network yesterday evening. You couldn't make this stuff up, Bob.*

North American on-location news reporder: Good afternoon and welcome to this week's edition of 'Places You'd Never Wanna Live Even Under Threat of Torture'. Today's hot topic: Britain. Just what is it? I'm here today on a typical English street in a randomly chosen English town somewhere in the United Kingdom, where I'm joined by typical English resident Terry O'Type. Hi there Tez. May I call you that?

Tez: No.

Reporder: That's fantastic! So, Tez, what's it like living in Britain?

Tez: I don't really know, I've never been outside the UK so I've nowhere to compare it to. Well, except that time I went to Wales.

Reporder: (After brief pause) But Terry, Wales is in the UK.

Tez: Are you sure? Last time I went, I was required to produce my passport in Cheshire. Two awfully nice young men in Burberry caps took it away for inspection.

Reporder: Right-o then. So what's it like being English?

Tez: I'm not English. I'm Irish. This is Northern Ireland.

Reporder: So there you have it, an explanation clear as day. England is Ireland, and Britain is England and Ireland. And Wales. Back to you in the studio, Bill...

Would you believe there's an American stereotype that brands all British people intelligent due simply to their accent? I wonder if that applies to Northern Irish people, who are both British and Irish but not if they claim not to be for political reasons? Or Northern Irish Britons of Eastern European descent? On that politically charged head-exploding thought, I bid you good night.

*Actually, you could because I just did. Also apologies if your name isn't Bob.